As I am sitting here in my office awaiting my next client - which is also my last client before I take a month of maternity leave - I am reminded of the fact that in two short weeks (or sooner) I am going to be a parent. The little girl that loves to kick and squirm will be in my arms and not in my belly!
It alternates from being real to be surreal..... never having gone through this before you just have no idea what to expect.... there are so many questions, so many things that I want to be sure I say to her and do for her, but at the same time it is overwhelming and exciting.
Over the last two months people have been asking if I was ready.... ready, really? Is one ever fully ready for their life to be completely turned upside down, around, and back again? No I wasn't ready when the questions started coming..... am I ready now? Well not sure if I would call myself ready but I feel that now that the nursery is done for the most part - I am as close to ready as I will be.
Here are some things that I am ready for:
1. I am ready to hold my little girl in my arms and hug and kiss her all the time - instead of feeling totally weird as I talk to her through my belly!!!
2. I am ready for Joel to get to feel her move all the time instead of just when I call him over and make him watch my belly move.
3. I am ready to put on her little clothes that have been patiently waiting in my closet for the last three months.
4. I am ready to be able to see my toes again :)
5. I am ready to see what she looks like.... as an adoptee you go through life not having anyone to look like you.... so I am hoping she will at least have one or two of my features.
Here are some things I am not ready for:
1. I am not ready for the surgery knowing I will be completely out and when I wake up I will be a parent
2. I am not ready for the high possibility that I will have an MS relapse sometime in the next three months.
3. I am not ready to stay in the hospital for four days (I have never stayed the night before)
4. I am not ready to go to the hospital yet because I still have 40 thank yous to write from my shower!
5. I am not ready, but totally trusting that God is in control and he will give me what I need to raise this beautiful precious child to grow up to love, honor, and serve Jesus Christ.
There you have it! My two week thoughts!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
A Day in the Nursery
So today I filled the drawers of the dresser and put the books on the shelf. I also put together the mobile and the light.
All along I had been planning to put a verse on the wall. Initially I was going to use a verse about sheep since that was part of our theme, but it just didn't speak to me as a life verse for our little girl - so after talking to some YM friends we chose the verse from Zephaniah 3:17 - though it was much longer - it has great meaning and I am so excited to teach her this verse.
I was thinking about having a friend help me cut it out on a cricut with vinyl letters, but as the day went on I just felt as though it was something I wanted to do - so tonight I got out my paintbrush and painted it on the wall. Surprisingly enough it took me less than an hour.
I am hoping to get a few more things finished tomorrow so then the next couple weeks I can just sit back and relax (haha or maybe finish working on the rest of the house) If you want to see more pictures of the nursery you can check out my facebook page.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
A Good Reminder
Today started off pretty well! I got to sleep in a bit then headed to Selinsgrove to do some coupon shopping! Everything that I got was not only on sale but I had at least one or two coupons for each - that was a very good feeling - in fact at CVS I got a 92 count pack of diapers for 8.99 plus then got 3 dollars in extra bucks back - so it was really only 5.99! That was my proud moment for the day!
I had lunch with my BFF Jeanne for her birthday - always a blessing to spend time with her. And along the way I got to see some other fine folks, Aimee, Kendra and Jeff, and Kate - it was a happy morning for me!
Despite having a headache once again all was going well emotionally anyway! So I headed home to unload the groceries and realized I had forgotten my new meds (I will just be honest here - I wasn't in too much of a hurry to get them other than the fact I was supposed to start them today). So back to Mt. Pleasant Mills I went and waited as they got my order together. (Funny thing about my new injections - they aren't prefilled so I have to fill each one the the correct amount - but our insurance will cover the medicine, but not the syringes - how crazy is that???) Anyway - I got my stuff and decided that Tucker and I needed some ice cream - yes - I mean needed!!! So off to Cruisers we went!
On the way home from Cruiser's the doctor's office called - I was assuming it was my test results, but I was wrong.... the date they had scheduled us for our c-section was not available and we would have to switch days.... which also meant switching doctors.... I was devistated - the only part about our whole experience yesterday that brought me peace and joy was knowing we were going to have my favorite doctor who knows us and my case really well...... just kidding! Now we are scheduled for a day later with a doctor who we have seen however we felt very disconnected from. Let's just say her bed side manner left a little to be desired.
So in the midst of changing our date for delivery the also had to change all our appointments - it was so overwhelming and we just started telling me when we had to come in - I was so frustrated - It was all I could do to not cry on the phone.
Though the lady was just doing her job and following her directions I was so frustrated by her lack of care that once again all my plans had changed and ahhhhhhh!
Once again the crying pregnant woman returned - all I could do was lay on the bed and cry - then of course Joel wasn't home yet which I thought he would be so that upset me - poor guy!
So I guess this is where I get to the title of my blog.... a good reminder. My sister sent me a text asking about our delivery date and I told her briefly about the change and I was frustrated. So she asked me why I didn't care for the new doctor we had been assigned to and I replied - no people skills - though she is one of the best surgeons (which is true - but of course emotional me could not look at that fact at the time) and Jill said - you know Dad's heart surgeon had no people skills but she saved his life!
How true! Maybe this is just another way that God is providing protection for myself and the baby - a surgery is a high risk for me so maybe having this woman as my doctor is just what God intended..... or maybe I will go into labor next week and whoever is on call will have to do an emergency c-section.
Oh and just so you know - I did get my Maalox - and it was on sale plus I had a coupon!!! That was also part of the good day segment!
My goal tomorrow is to have a happy story about our nursery almost being complete - so stay tuned!!!
I had lunch with my BFF Jeanne for her birthday - always a blessing to spend time with her. And along the way I got to see some other fine folks, Aimee, Kendra and Jeff, and Kate - it was a happy morning for me!
Despite having a headache once again all was going well emotionally anyway! So I headed home to unload the groceries and realized I had forgotten my new meds (I will just be honest here - I wasn't in too much of a hurry to get them other than the fact I was supposed to start them today). So back to Mt. Pleasant Mills I went and waited as they got my order together. (Funny thing about my new injections - they aren't prefilled so I have to fill each one the the correct amount - but our insurance will cover the medicine, but not the syringes - how crazy is that???) Anyway - I got my stuff and decided that Tucker and I needed some ice cream - yes - I mean needed!!! So off to Cruisers we went!
On the way home from Cruiser's the doctor's office called - I was assuming it was my test results, but I was wrong.... the date they had scheduled us for our c-section was not available and we would have to switch days.... which also meant switching doctors.... I was devistated - the only part about our whole experience yesterday that brought me peace and joy was knowing we were going to have my favorite doctor who knows us and my case really well...... just kidding! Now we are scheduled for a day later with a doctor who we have seen however we felt very disconnected from. Let's just say her bed side manner left a little to be desired.
So in the midst of changing our date for delivery the also had to change all our appointments - it was so overwhelming and we just started telling me when we had to come in - I was so frustrated - It was all I could do to not cry on the phone.
Though the lady was just doing her job and following her directions I was so frustrated by her lack of care that once again all my plans had changed and ahhhhhhh!
Once again the crying pregnant woman returned - all I could do was lay on the bed and cry - then of course Joel wasn't home yet which I thought he would be so that upset me - poor guy!
So I guess this is where I get to the title of my blog.... a good reminder. My sister sent me a text asking about our delivery date and I told her briefly about the change and I was frustrated. So she asked me why I didn't care for the new doctor we had been assigned to and I replied - no people skills - though she is one of the best surgeons (which is true - but of course emotional me could not look at that fact at the time) and Jill said - you know Dad's heart surgeon had no people skills but she saved his life!
How true! Maybe this is just another way that God is providing protection for myself and the baby - a surgery is a high risk for me so maybe having this woman as my doctor is just what God intended..... or maybe I will go into labor next week and whoever is on call will have to do an emergency c-section.
Oh and just so you know - I did get my Maalox - and it was on sale plus I had a coupon!!! That was also part of the good day segment!
My goal tomorrow is to have a happy story about our nursery almost being complete - so stay tuned!!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I just can't be normal....
It was a long day for me.... actually it has been a bit of a long week. I haven't felt well. The joys of 3rd Trimester Migraines which make me want to do absolutely nothing! But I guess that is beside the point. Last night we had our breastfeeding class - which was very interesting but I must say - it was hard to sit in those chairs for two hours! I would recommend the class if you are going to be breastfeeding, but it does seem to be a little long.
Anyway - we just stayed in town last night since we had to be there for several appointments today. Praise God for free hotel stays!!! So our first appointment was with Anesthesiologist - that was about an hour long - answering questions and learning how my MS and blood clotting affects my delivery - whether natural or cesarean. Since we were nearly 100% sure she was still breech we spent most of our time talking about the surgery options, and this is where my diseases play a large part on my delivery. Most women when they have a c-section get a spinal and they are able to have their spouse in the room and hold the baby immediately after they are taken out..... my case is different. I am not able to have a spinal because of my high risk - so I have to be put out completely - so no holding the baby immediately. Many people may not think that is a big deal but after carrying a child for 9 months and hearing about how important immediate bonding is and wanting that so greatly - it is hard to swallow the idea that others will get to see and hold the baby before I do.
I know that with time I will get over it - but it does make me sad that this is one of those things that is just not normal.... we are just praying that between the Doctor and the Anesthesilogist they will make an exception and at least let Joel in the room, I guess we will find out soon enough.
Though I am sad and disappointed we knew that this was a potential before we even tried to concieve so I think we handled the news pretty well.... at least that is what the nurse said - she was impressed with our maturity! I guess that is what you get when you are in your 30s and 40s and having your first child - maturity (or at least the ability to suck it up and not show that deep down inside I was a bit disappointed)
Off to the doctor we went. Being our 36 week appointment I had my B-strep test - results to come later this week I am guessing, and this was the week that we confirmed if the baby moved or not. Well.... it was confirmed - she has not moved.... I will spare you the details of the exam but she is in fact pretty happy in the position that she is in. She is measuring perfectly at 36 weeks and her heart rate is a consistant 150. The other big change at 36 weeks is my blood thinners.
Up to this point I have taken a shot a day throughout my pregnancy, not fun to say the least - my stomach looks like a war zone between the bruises from the injections and the stretch marks. Well starting tomorrow I am switching to a new med which is a shot twice a day - YUCK!!!! I am not sure why this is bothering me - I knew it was coming - I just think I am tired and I am soon ready to hold my little girl instead of taking shots. The other thing with this med is that it is not a prefilled injection so I will have to mess with filling syringes and such. Like I said - minor thing when looking at the big picture of what we get in the end, but feeling like I feel today - it is just one more thing to put me on the edge of tears.
To end the whole day we stopped to pick up a blind for our bathroom - not in - urghhhhh! Then we stopped so I could get some Maloxx because the Tums don't seem to be touching my acid reflux - wouldn't you guess - Walmart was out of Maloxx - no joke - the worst part was out of the whole day it was the Maloxx that almost made me cry!
I think I just need to go to bed - oh wait I am already in bed, but now close my eyes - fall asleep for 45 minutes until I have to go to the bathroom and repeat the cycle at least 10 times during the night. I know I will feel better about everything by tomorrow. And I know that in three weeks when our little girl arrives it will be all but a memory - but for now this is the real and raw emotions of a pregnant woman! Please don't try to fix it or explain it away - just let me vent and validate my feelings and we can all be friends!!!
Anyway - we just stayed in town last night since we had to be there for several appointments today. Praise God for free hotel stays!!! So our first appointment was with Anesthesiologist - that was about an hour long - answering questions and learning how my MS and blood clotting affects my delivery - whether natural or cesarean. Since we were nearly 100% sure she was still breech we spent most of our time talking about the surgery options, and this is where my diseases play a large part on my delivery. Most women when they have a c-section get a spinal and they are able to have their spouse in the room and hold the baby immediately after they are taken out..... my case is different. I am not able to have a spinal because of my high risk - so I have to be put out completely - so no holding the baby immediately. Many people may not think that is a big deal but after carrying a child for 9 months and hearing about how important immediate bonding is and wanting that so greatly - it is hard to swallow the idea that others will get to see and hold the baby before I do.
I know that with time I will get over it - but it does make me sad that this is one of those things that is just not normal.... we are just praying that between the Doctor and the Anesthesilogist they will make an exception and at least let Joel in the room, I guess we will find out soon enough.
Though I am sad and disappointed we knew that this was a potential before we even tried to concieve so I think we handled the news pretty well.... at least that is what the nurse said - she was impressed with our maturity! I guess that is what you get when you are in your 30s and 40s and having your first child - maturity (or at least the ability to suck it up and not show that deep down inside I was a bit disappointed)
Off to the doctor we went. Being our 36 week appointment I had my B-strep test - results to come later this week I am guessing, and this was the week that we confirmed if the baby moved or not. Well.... it was confirmed - she has not moved.... I will spare you the details of the exam but she is in fact pretty happy in the position that she is in. She is measuring perfectly at 36 weeks and her heart rate is a consistant 150. The other big change at 36 weeks is my blood thinners.
Up to this point I have taken a shot a day throughout my pregnancy, not fun to say the least - my stomach looks like a war zone between the bruises from the injections and the stretch marks. Well starting tomorrow I am switching to a new med which is a shot twice a day - YUCK!!!! I am not sure why this is bothering me - I knew it was coming - I just think I am tired and I am soon ready to hold my little girl instead of taking shots. The other thing with this med is that it is not a prefilled injection so I will have to mess with filling syringes and such. Like I said - minor thing when looking at the big picture of what we get in the end, but feeling like I feel today - it is just one more thing to put me on the edge of tears.
To end the whole day we stopped to pick up a blind for our bathroom - not in - urghhhhh! Then we stopped so I could get some Maloxx because the Tums don't seem to be touching my acid reflux - wouldn't you guess - Walmart was out of Maloxx - no joke - the worst part was out of the whole day it was the Maloxx that almost made me cry!
I think I just need to go to bed - oh wait I am already in bed, but now close my eyes - fall asleep for 45 minutes until I have to go to the bathroom and repeat the cycle at least 10 times during the night. I know I will feel better about everything by tomorrow. And I know that in three weeks when our little girl arrives it will be all but a memory - but for now this is the real and raw emotions of a pregnant woman! Please don't try to fix it or explain it away - just let me vent and validate my feelings and we can all be friends!!!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
We have walls!!!
With less than 6 weeks until our little girl arrives we have been diligently working to get our nursery to the point that we can at least move all her things into it and have room for her cradle in our room. It has been a long hot summer and the project has gone a bit slower than I would have liked, but I am being patient as I am seeing progress being made!
After beginning the project in late May - it seems as though it has taken a long time, however we are so blessed because we have had so many people that have volunteered their time to help us. So a big thank you to The Treaster Men, Dave Ebright, Brian Kline, Aaron and Asher Benner, and now to finish the project Ryan Maneval - Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! We are so blessed to have you sacrifice your time and energy to help us!
Our goal is that by Friday we (by we I mean anyone who wants to volunteer) can start to prime and paint the Nursery! That is so exciting to me! Then in the next weeks to come we can put the finishing touches - the molding, the scripture verse....oh my this is becoming so real - we are going to be parents! Okay momentary reality check! Check back to see our progress!
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