The Bittersweet of April 1st

Last year on this day - April first was also Maundy Thursday, last year April 1st was a beautiful sunny day.... it was a day that started out like any other, but by noon time it quickly turned into one of the hardest days of my life, as I spent the day at the hospital, soon to realize that we had just lost the baby that we had prayed so hard for.  We were only 6 weeks along in our pregnancy, but it seemed as though we had known that child.  It is a weird feeling that I can't explain, but that day we lost our child and it seemed as though we lost our dream of being parents.  We didn't know what the future held for us, we just knew that day that we felt lost and empty.  As I walked outside this morning I could see the tulips that we planted in memory of our little one were peaking through the ground - I long to see their beautiful bloom as a reminder of God shining his love on our lives.

You should also know that four years ago on April 1st I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  Let's just say April fools day is not a day that brings about a lot of joy in my heart - as I look at my past.  I thought that was one of the hardest days of my life, but little did I know at that point - how much harder it would be to deal with a miscarriage - three years later on that same day.

Though my heart is sad and heavy over the loss of our child, I am comforted in knowing that God's plan is always perfect even though I don't fully understand that many times.  I will always have a special place in my heart for that little one.

This year - April 1st was a full day - but a day filled with joy and knowing God has something great in store for us as parents to be, because this year - we are close to our 17 week mark in our pregnancy - the stress and complications of the first trimester are over, and we are well into our 2nd trimester.  God is good, and we are trusting each day that he will continue help this baby grow and develop.  But we also much trust that God plan is perfect - regardless!

We are so thankful for all those that have prayed for us - in our losses and more recently in our joys!  We know that God has big plans for our little one (5inches long, 4-5 ounces this week)!